I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Are we still banned from the library?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
