i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
