why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Welp...herpes.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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