I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
