Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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