Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
