I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
