i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
