I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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