You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
