so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
