ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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