I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
