Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
