I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
