I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
