Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
