I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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