I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
