I accidentally had phone sex last night
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
