it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
