She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
