god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
