I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
