One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
