She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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