i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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