im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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