i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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