Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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