you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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