I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
well you can't waste a boner
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
