Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
