Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
