Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
