when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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