Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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