the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
