: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
