You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
