i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
