I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
