Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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