In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
