Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
