I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
