Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
