I love black thongs
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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