We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
