"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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