I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
