you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
