You're so nebulous sometimes
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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