yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
