I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
