how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
