I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
