Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
