Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
