I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
