If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i think i just lost a toe
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
