so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
