Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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