She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
