I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
