New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
