I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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