I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
