I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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