Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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