At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
