evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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