It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
