i think my mom watched the whole time
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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