i just wanna soil my oats bro
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
